X-amining X-Men #17

"And None Shall Survive!"
February 1966

Story: Stan Lee
Layouts: Jack Kirby
Pencils: Jay Gavin
Inks: Dick Ayers
Lettering: A. Simek

Plot: In the wake of the Sentinels' destruction, the X-Men are treated by paramedics and taken to a hospital for further treatment, with a near-comatose Iceman in the worst shape (apparently the heat last issue took A LOT out of him). Professor X looks in on his students while downplaying their relationship in order to maintain their cover. Angel learns his parents are coming to the school to visit him, and Professor X quickly dispatches him to investigate the sense of vague menace he's picking up from the school. At the mansion, Angel is quickly dispatched by an unseen foe. When he fails to check in, Professor X and Cyclops return to the school and an alarming Cerebro. They are also defeated by an unseen foe. Finally, Beast and Marvel Girl leave the hospital for the school and are also taken by surprise. The mysterious foe places the defeated X-Men inside a steel gondola attached to a balloon and sets them aloft to drift into the upper atmosphere, and their demise. As Iceman's condition worsens, Angel's parents are greeted at the mansion door by the X-Men's unseen enemy: Magneto.

Firsts and Other Notables: Magneto returns from his journey into outer space with the Stranger (in issue #11), though the details will be covered in the next issue.

This is Jack Kirby's final work on the title. He's only done layouts since issue #12, but this is the last issue that can be considered in any way part of "Lee and Kirby's" X-Men run.

A Work in Progress: Apparently a "mental-wave distorter" is the one type of weapon Professor X can't fight. I'm fairly certain it never gets used again.


Ah, the Silver Age: Beast refers to one of the doctors as "Doctor Kildare", a reference to the 1960s TV show by the same name.

Answering machines are called "automatic phone answering devices", apparently.

Beast admonishes Marvel Girl for worrying about the others, saying it's "just like a woman."


I understand the school of thought that says every comic book is somebody's first (and thus, the basic premise of the book and the main characters' traits need to be established in every issue), and that's especially true in the Silver Age, but having Marvel Girl forget what her power is just so Stan has an excuse to explain it to a theoretical new reader just seems lazy.


Magneto pulls out one helluva Silver Age-style death trap: instead of simply killing the defeated, unconscious X-Men he sends them into the air to die inside a steel gondola attached to a large balloon. Unnecessary spoiler alert: the X-Men escape this trap and return to foil Magneto's plans next issue.

For Sale: Music before iTunes:


A mail-order seven foot long sub two kids can ride in, that fires rockets and torpedoes for $6.98? Even adjusted for inflation, that seems entirely too good to be true.


Bullpen Bulletins: Back in the day, Stan seemed to share Dr. Bitz's concerns about characters appearing in multiple titles at once. In fact, that's his stated reason for shaking up the Avengers lineup.


It's in the Mail: This writer seems especially cranky.


Teebore's Take: So who is shocked that Magneto's back? Anyone?

After a mere five issue absence (which, granted, was a longer time back then than now) Magneto returns (plus, those five issues were essentially only two stories, one featuring the Juggernaut, the other the Sentinels). Bringing back the X-Men's arch enemy, on the surface, isn't such a bad idea (though after this storyline, he'll disappear again for a few years).

What really hampers this issue, though, is that in order to keep his identity a secret until the end, Magneto cannot use his powers, and instead manages to defeat the X-Men by somehow turning the mansion into a series of death traps. And even they aren't very good death traps, as, for example, Beast is essentially defeated by a slippery floor and Cyclops by turning off the lights. Couple that with the fact that on the very short list of "mystery villains we already know (or else it wouldn't be shocking!)" Magneto sits firmly at the top of said list, and the payoff of this issue doesn't forgive its execution.

Brief Thought About Baseball (06/06/2009 - 06/12/2009)

1. I heard a lot about how classy Boston's reaction to Nomar Garciaparra's return to Fenway Park was. I guarantee you that the reaction would have been MUCH different if 2004 and 2007 never happened.

2. This pitching performance was NOT good for my fantasy team.

3. I wasn't happy to hear that Paul Konerko of the hated White Sox had a three home run night.

4. The very next day Andruw Jones of the Texas Rangers hit three home runs in a game too. I was fairly neutral about it.

5. MLB must have been wet and thrown in the dryer. I just say that because I know after I'm done running my clothes through the dryer I always end up with a missing sock...

6. Sometimes it takes someone who isn't viewing things as in depth as I to come up with the most astute comment. While watching the Twins lose to the Yankees for the 7th time this season (thus being swept by the Yankees in the season series) Mrs. Dr. Bitz said this to me, "It's like the Yankees are in a different league than the Twins."
I couldn't have said it better myself. The sad part is that it almost makes this season a wash. Even if the Twins do win the division, what are the odds they even win one playoff series?

7. OK, let's see if I can get this straight. On May 5th a Houston Astros/Washington Natinals game was postoned due to rain when it was tied in the bottom of the 11th inning with Elijah Dukes on base for the Natinals. The Natinal pitcher who pitched the top of the 11th inning was Joel Hanrahan.
Since that game was postponed, Joel Hanrahan and Elijah Dukes were traded. On July 9th the game resumed, but with Elijah Dukes not on the tema anymore, Nyjer Morgan (a player that was traded to the Natinals for Hanrahan) was on base in replacement of Dukes.
Sure enough, Elijah Dukes scored, the Natinals one the game, and Joel Hanrahan, who was no longer on the team, was credited with the "win" thanks to a run a player he was traded for scored.
That's just my long winded way of pointing out that the Win is a pointless stat.

8. They say it's the most exciting play in baseball, but this one wasn't all that suspenseful.

9. My baseball wishes in life is first to see the Twins win a World Series, but second is to see a Twins pitcher do what Jonathan Sanchez did on Friday night. And if it wasn't for Juan Uribe, it would have been a perfect performance. If I was Jonathan Sanchez...I would have punched him.

10. This link is at the request of Mrs. Dr. Bitz. I suppose I could give some bonus links like this and, of course, this from earlier this week.

11. After White Sox Mark Buehrle's last game against the Twins (in which the Twins could only muster up one run of offense) Mark Buehrle claimed that he "owned" the Twins.
Well, the Twins owned Buehrle on Sunday when they got 8 runs off him in 3 and 1/3 innings. The Twins ended up scoring 13 runs total against the White Sox. If could of been even worse, too, if it wasn't for Jermain Dye's outfield assist. Sources say he only made the play due to some practice he got prior to the game.

Movie Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen has been out for over two weeks. The reaction to the movie has been interesting. Via a very unscientific poll, it seems that the movie going public generally enjoyed the film but all the critics and media-types hated it. I suppose the reason for this is because this is a movie where you must completely shut your brain off...and critics hate to admit that they ever do that.

In Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, Shia LeBeouf reprises his role as Sam Witwicky. Apparently, Sam is sick of giant transforming robots because he tells his transforming car Bumblebee that he's not going to college with him. (Is it good when your main character is sick of that which is the crux of the film?) Anyway, before leaving Sam comes across a shard of the All Spark (from the first film) which downloads information to his brain. This information contains the key to saving...or destroying...the world. Eventually, this leads to giants robots fighting one another.

I could explain the plot further, but it starts losing a bit of sense...then robot heaven gets involved. Really, the reason to see this movie is for the eye candy. You've got a special effects bonanza with robots battling each other, big explosions, and various structures being destroyed by various weapons of doom. Also, when you say eye candy, Megan Fox certainly comes to mind.

Some battles were spectacular, however, I did feel that they also could get a bit confusing. Sometimes the scene was too close up on the robots as they fought and, since they were scaled to be giant, it was tough to get a feel for what was actually going on. But, in the end, I suppose the best way to review this movie is to say this:

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is a movie about giant, transforming robots fighting each other.

You now know if you'll like this movie or not.

Recap:
The Good: Great special effects. Some fun battles to watch. And Optimus Prime always rocks, no matter what form he's in.

The Bad: No nudity (of course). The battles can get confusing...and long. There's also a lot of comedy, some of it is genuinely funny, but other jokes are childish or just over the top. Also, there's a little thing called a plot that seems to get lost in the shuffle.

The Disappointing: Well, frankly, I always thought that if the Matrix of Leadership is involved, it's mandatory that Stan Bush's The Touch be played.

Drink to best accompany this movie:

Natural Light Beer

Just sit back, relax, crack a beer, and enjoy the rid. Remember, don't try and use your brain or you'll ruin the experience.

Retro Review: The Telltale Head

Or The One Where: Bart cuts off the head of the Jebediah Springfield statue.

The Setup: On his way to see Space Mutants 4 ("the trilogy continues!"), Bart runs into Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney, the local hooligans, and decides to cut off the head of the town founder's statue so they'll think he's cool.

A Work in Progress: Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Bob, Reverend Lovejoy, Apu and Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney all appear for the first time.

The Simpsons attend church for the first time, in their typical fractured way, with Homer listening to a football game on Bart's Walkman.

The story of frontiersman Jebediah Springfield, who once fought a bear with his bare hands and founded the town which bares his name, is told for the time. It will be expanded on (and questioned) in the season seven episode "Lisa the Iconoclast."

This one of the few episodes to display the title onscreen.

The Space Mutants, a horror film franchise in "The Simpsons" universe, appears for the first time. They are featured as the villains in the Simpsons video game for the NES.

Also, the fact that Smithers' affection for Mr. Burns is something greater than employer/loyal yes man is suggested for the first time.

Favorite Lines:

Bart: Uh, ma'am? What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!

Sunday School Teacher: The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't.
Bart: Ooh-ooh-ooh! Me!
Sunday School Teacher: Bart?
Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
Sunday School Teacher: I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask!?!

Bart: But sneaking into movies is practically stealing, man.
Kearney: Practically?
Jimbo: It is stealing.
Bart: Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure we aren't deluding ourselves.


Teebore's Take: A classic example of what "The Simpsons", especially in the early years, did very well: mix a standard sitcom premise (Bart learns a lesson about the importance of popularity) with a surreal plot (he learns this lesson by hacksawing off the head of a statue and incurring the wraith of an angry mob). Not incredibly funny, but watchable nonetheless. Amongst the funniest bits is the family's first act foray into church, both Homer's frantic following of the football game during the sermon and Bart peppering his Sunday school teacher with metaphysical questions regarding what does and does not earn a place in heaven.

Classic:

A host of major supporting characters appear for the first time, the myth of Jebediah Springfield is established, and the Homer/Bart lesson-learning all account for the high marks. Plus, this is the episode that gives us our "Classic" icon.

Brief Thoughts About Baseball (6/29/2009 - 7/05/2009)

Note: In honor of Mrs. Dr. Bitz's complaint, none of the links this week will feature a home run...except for this one.

1. First of all, congrats to the Twins finally getting over 2 games over 500. They are now a whopping 3 games over 500.

2. The Baltimore Orioles were down by 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Red Sox. Eventually this happened and secured an improbable victory for the O's. Hehehe..eat it Red Sox!

3. Apparently the Texas Rangers somtimes wear red for their road jerseys instead of instead of their traditional blue. The problem is they played the Angels this week. So any highlight I saw from those game just greatly confused me. Was that Torii Hunter making that catch? Wait, no, it was Marlon Byrd!?

4. I suppose I'll steal a line from Sports Center and say that the Arizona/San Diego on game on Thursday had a delay that would have fans....buzzing! I'm sure PETA wasn't happy with the solution.

5. On Thursday the White Sox faced the Royals. In the 1st inning Billy Butler hit a pop up and for some reason Willie Bloomquist was running on the play and got doubled up. Then, in the second inning, Miguel Olivo hit a pop up and Mark Teahen decided to not learn a lesson from the first inning (or any little league coach) and ran on the play also. Not surprisingly, he got doubled off. And the Royals wonder why they are perennial bottom feeders.

6. You want to know what headline I hope is never written about me? "Big Unit injured!"

7. And of course the Natinals make another bid to be the worst baseball franchise with there own version of premature ejaculation when they lit off victory fireworks before the game was actually finished.

8. I suppose I should say few things about the All Star selections. There's not too much to complain about. Obviously, Justin Morneau should be starting over Mark Texeira since he leads the Yankee's 1st basemen in nearly every offensive statistical category. But Morneau will be playing as a reserve, so that's OK.
Ian Kinsler should be starting over Dustin Pedroia but Kinsler might not even get to play in the game...unless he gets voted in on the last chance vote.
I suppose the only egregious choice is Josh Hamilton, who missed about half his games due to injuries. But that's who the fan's voted in.
I used to not have a problem with fans voting for all stars, I mean, it's an exhibition game that's strictly for entertainment. So let's have the guys play who the fans want to see.
But I heard a counter argument to that that says that the MLB All Star Game is for home field advantage in the World Series. That's important, and with those kind of stakes we shouldn't have fans influencing the outcome. That argument made sense to me so now I'm against fans voting for the MLB All Star Game.
The real solution is to keep fan voting and do away with the stupidity of the game deciding home field advantage in the World Series.

Retro Review: Call of the Simpsons

Or The One Where: The Simpsons get lost in the woods and Homer is mistaken for Bigfoot.

The Setup: Jealous of Flander's luxury RV, Homer buys a rundown model, which he proceeds to promptly drive over a cliff, stranding the family in the wilderness.

A Work in Progress: Al Brooks voices Bob, of Bob's RVs, making this the first episode of many, including "The Simpsons Movie", for which Mr. Brooks will provide his voice talent.

Favorite Lines:

Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? No Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind telling me, 'sell the vehicle to this fella and you're out of business!' That's what the siren says. It seems the Ultimate Behemoth is a wee bit out of your price range, and 'wee bit' is me being polite. You couldn't afford this thing if you lived to be a million.

Marge: Homer, I'm telling you, this is not the Interstate.
Homer: Pffffft. Maps.

Lisa: Remember, Dad: the handle of the Big Dipper points towards the North Star.
Homer: Heh heh, that's nice, Lisa. But we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.


Teebore's Take: This is one of my first-season favorites, nothing groundbreaking but solidly funny throughout, with the right balance of sitcom humor and zany antics. I particularly enjoy the gag where Homer sets a trap for an animal, only to have the trap fling the animal miles away through the air. Of course, highlight of the episode involves Maggie being befriended by a pack of benevolent bears who still bottles of milk for her and allow her to ride on their backs.

Classic:

One of the first solid, all around funny episodes.

Retro Review: Moaning Lisa

Or The One Where: A depressed Lisa meets Bleeding Gums Murphy

The Setup: Lisa is feeling depressed and melancholy, and no one can cheer her up.

A Work In Progress: Jazzman "Bleeding Gums" Murphy appears for the first time. He'll show up in the background from time to time before dying in the classic season six episode "'Round Springfield."

The groundwork for much of Lisa's characterization is laid here. She isn't quite the precocious genius we know her to be yet, but her relative sensitivity, empathy and ostracism from the rest of the family are all on display, and her love of jazz and the saxophone are established for the first time.

Favorite Lines:

Largo: Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in "My Country 'Tis of Thee''.
Lisa: But Mr. Largo! That's what my country's all about.
Largo: What?!?
Lisa: I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of a car. The idle farmer whose land has been taken away by uncaring bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal-miner caught...
Largo: Well, that's all fine and good, but Lisa, none of those unpleasant people are going to be at the recital next week.

PE Teacher: Lisa! We are playing dodge-ball here. The object of the game is to avoid the ball, by weaving or ducking out of its path.
Lisa: In other words, to dodge the ball.

Marge: Lisa! Get away from that jazz man!
Lisa: But Mom! Can I stay a little longer? Can I Mom, can I?
Marge: Come on, come on. We were worried about you...Nothing personal, I just fear the unfamiliar.


Teebore's Take: I remember when I was younger and I'd watch this episode, I would get so enraged when, after Homer has received training from a local kid on how to finally beat Bart at a boxing video game, Marge unplugs the game just as Homer is about to deliver the finishing blow so he'll pay more attention to Lisa. I understood the importance of Homer paying attention to Lisa, but at the same time, it wouldn't have killed her if Homer took an extra second or two before hearing herannouncement. Now that I'm older, when I watch this episode, well, I still get enraged at Marge, but not as much as I used to.

Crank Call: Bart calls looking for Jock, last name Strap.

Classic:

It does much to lay the foundation of Lisa's character, but isn't terribly funny or memorably aside from that.